Humorous Horoscopes and Some Serious Stuff Too

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BratForecast April 23, 2014

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Aries You will go down to the dock today to see if your ship came in, only to discover that it is the Flying Dutchman.
Taurus If opportunity knocks on your door today, don't answer. It is a trick.
Gemini Just keep telling yourself you're not in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
Cancer You will be caught in a meteor shower today without soap.
Leo Your psychic intuition will be sharp today, and the spirits will tell you the winning lottery numbers. Listen closely, because the doctor will be increasing your Thorazine this afternoon.
Virgo This is one of the days you will wish the world ended yesterday.
Libra You will spend the day trying to solve the age old question. Who is hotter, Mary Ann or Ginger?
Scorpio Remember that dream where you went to work and forgot your pants? It isn't a dream today.
Sagittarius You want to read your horoscope for today. Sorry, your planets are on vacation.
Capricorn You can worship Eros, Greek God of love and sexual intercourse, all day long and still you will need Viagra tonight.
Aquarius You will realize that you are not an ugly duckling today, just ugly!
Pisces Today will be a lucky day. Gas prices will drop $.50 after you leave the pump.
Sparrow Tweets:Wed Astro: There could be stress in the AM, but we may find ourselves kinda numb in the PM. Healing energy will arrive tomorrow.
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Astrologeese -- Not Here!
Information in Down to Earth, Plain English.

Ever been to one of those astrology sites where you leave knowing less than when you started? How many times have you felt like your astrologer speaks a different language than you - astrologeese? At, we keep the information at a level where you can understand it. We will never talk above you. We are very selective when we choose articles for our site, and only the best astrologers are published here. Some of our content may keep you on the floor laughing (we hope), but our ultimate goal is to bring the science of astrology to a level that everyone can understand (without betraying it).

ZodiacBrat is your one stop astrology and new-age resource covering all aspects of astrology including Sun sign horoscopes, astrology lessons, planetary schedules, astrology tidbits, and of course a little astrology humor. Wondering what's going on in the stars? We have eclipse, retrograde, and planetary aspects schedules for you to consult. Be sure to check out the Brat Forecasts and the monthly Bitch-O-Scopes where the horoscopes are funny but also accurate.

But... We don't stop there! Most astrologers do more than just astrology. That's why we also want to present you will the highest quality material about other esoteric subjects including magick, Eastern philosophy, Tarot, metaphysics, the paranormal, love insights, alternative health, and all around psychic readings in general. Our publishers search the internet for only the highest quality authors and articles.

Take some time and get to know us. Read our articles and check the astro weather forecast. ZodiacBrat will keep you up to date with the astrological trends that are happening now and in the future, and we will help you to understand just how those other planets in our solar system affect you. There are 10 planets in the zodiac, but most of us only know our Sun sign. Those 9 other planets can tell you more about yourself and your situations, and after you learn the other 9 planets, then you may want to take a look at the 12 houses of your chart. We understand that it takes years to really learn astrology, but we plan to be around for years. Be patient with yourself, and try to learn just a little bit with each visit. With a little time, you may just amaze yourself.

Zodiac Brat was created by Janet Moon and Karma's Venom, two psychics from Janet is an intuitive astrologer and has been writing forecasts and personal charts since 2002. Karma believes that too many people take life too seriously. She is here to make us smile and to remind us that all our worries are really not that important, when you look at the bigger scheme of things. These two gals work very hard to keep our site current and entertaining.

Janet Moon has a Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, and Virgo rising. Her Virgo personality loves the details of the project, so she is our code writer and editor. Her Cancer Sun is located in her eleventh house of friends and hopes, and we've found that she is a very compassionate and nurturing person. Janet is also available for private readings, and you can purchase a hand written astrology report from her at her website,

Karma's Venom has a Leo Sun, Virgo Moon, and Leo rising. She is our "Drama Queen!" Karma has a way of expressing her insight by teasing people and yet making them laugh. She likes to get to the point and not mince words, and its very difficult to get her to write more than three sentences at once. But, she can say all that needs to be said in those three sentences, often with an implied wit that could make many think twice. Karma is not available for private readings.

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