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May 2012 Forecasts
Check Our Forecasts
Torn Between Lovers - Venus Retrograde Spring 2012 from May 15th through June 27th Relationship Shuffle - Eclipses Spring 2012
on May 20th and June 4th
Eclipse Schedule
The Eclipses are Coming!
Mercury Retrograde Schedule
3 to 4 times every year
Aspects Now
Current Events in Astrology
How to Read Natal Charts
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Zodiac Brat Articles
The Planets Now May 19, 2012 20:42 GMT
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They say a man's wealth is measured by how much he owes. Today you will join the ranks of the very wealthy. 
Today your dreamboat date will instead be a shipwreck. 
You are going to get out that shoe box today, and you will see that you need help from NASA to figure your taxes this year. 
Today you will learn just how far evolution has passed you by. 
I see a tall dark stranger bringing your sole mate this evening. Yes, Cinderella, your shoe prints matched the crime scene. 
Today is not a good day to seek employment unless you can say, "do you want fries with your order?" in two languages. 
You will know what it is like to be called a moron by the end of the day. 
Today is the day you get lucky... only for Lucky's owner to put him on a leash and walk him home. 
I can't enlighten you today. The Boss' dog, Taz, ate your horoscope. 
You will be running through green fields this afternoon, and the smell of wildflowers will lightly scent the air while the birds tweet a pleasant melody. Then the cops will catch you. 
You will discover the fix to your money problems today by simply switching the numbers in the debit column to the credit column in your ledger. 
Don't buy Budweiser today! Aliens will pass through beaming up all the beer in your area.
Astrologeese -- Not Here!
Information in Down to Earth, Plain English. Ever been to one of those astrology sites where you leave knowing less than when you started? How many times have you felt like your astrologer speaks a different language than you - astrologeese? At ZodiacBrat.com, we keep the information at a level where you can understand it. We will never talk above you. We are very selective when we choose articles for our site, and only the best astrologers are published here. Some of our content may keep you on the floor laughing (we hope), but our ultimate goal is to bring the science of astrology to a level that everyone can understand (without betraying it). ZodiacBrat is your one stop astrology and new-age resource covering all aspects of astrology including Sun sign horoscopes, astrological general tendencies, astrology lessons, planetary schedules, astrology tidbits, and of course a little astrology humor. Wondering what's going on in the stars? We have eclipse, retrograde, and planetary aspects schedules for you to consult. Be sure to check out the Brat Forecasts and the monthly Bitch-O-Scopes where the horoscopes are funny but also accurate. But... We don't stop there! Most astrologers do more than just astrology. That's why we also want to present you will the highest quality material about other esoteric subjects including magick, Eastern philosophy, Tarot, metaphysics, the paranormal, love insights, alternative health, and all around psychic readings in general. Our publishers search the internet for only the highest quality authors and articles. Take some time and get to know us. Read our articles and check the astro weather forecast. ZodiacBrat will keep you up to date with the astrological trends that are happening now and in the future, and we will help you to understand just how those other planets in our solar system affect you. There are 10 planets in the zodiac, but most of us only know our Sun sign. Those 9 other planets can tell you more about yourself and your situations, and after you learn the other 9 planets, then you may want to take a look at the 12 houses of your chart. We understand that it takes years to really learn astrology, but we plan to be around for years. Be patient with yourself, and try to learn just a little bit with each visit. With a little time, you may just amaze yourself. Zodiac Brat was created by Janet Moon and Karma's Venom, two psychics from PsychicBitch.com. Janet is an intuitive astrologer and has been writing forecasts and personal charts since 2002. Karma believes that too many people take life too seriously. She is here to make us smile and to remind us that all our worries are really not that important, when you look at the bigger scheme of things. These two gals work very hard to keep our site current and entertaining. Janet Moon has a Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon, and Virgo rising. Her Virgo personality loves the details of the project, so she is our code writer and editor. Her Cancer Sun is located in her eleventh house of friends and hopes, and we've found that she is a very compassionate and nurturing person. Janet is also available for private readings, and you can purchase a hand written astrology report from her at her website, SparrowMoon.com. Karma's Venom has a Leo Sun, Virgo Moon, and Leo rising. She is our "Drama Queen!" Karma has a way of expressing her insight by teasing people and yet making them laugh. She likes to get to the point and not mince words, and its very difficult to get her to write more than three sentences at once. But, she can say all that needs to be said in those three sentences, often with an implied wit that could make many think twice. Karma is not available for private readings, but you can find out more about her at PsychicBitch.com |
Humorous Horoscopes and Some Serious Stuff Too
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